i would have made a great ancient israelite.

seriously. i am a pro at forgetting how God has provided for me in the past. i’m even worse at taking that and seeing how it applies to what i’m facing now. and then sometimes God provides and i look at it and say “what is this?” (which the ancient israelites would have said “manna”). but even when daily receiving of God’s goodness and mercy, i fail to trust that he will provide for tomorrow. i try to hoard up of God’s manna and that never works. i’m full of back up plans and a belief that what i can create is better than what God has created for me, but of course, just like the israelites, you can’t store up manna. God provides every day a new bounty, and i have to trust that.

some days i get frustrated and tired with the way this world is. i’m stuck looking at the what-is-this in my hands and i’m failing to see that God provided even this. my life isn’t bad- in fact, i am beyond blessed. i have so much to be thankful for and i am thankful.

but not everyone is so blessed. how can a God who claims to be love not save children and widows and entire nations from suffering? what did i do to deserve to grow up in an affluent community in the United States of America with parents who could provide for my every need and most of my wants as well? why do i deserve the grace that has been lavished on me when God has promised eternal damnation to those who i know and love who have chosen not to follow Him?

i hate that the answers to those questions are “i don’t know”. i hate that there’s nothing i can do to know, that there’s no one i can ask who knows, nothing i can read to find out. i can ask God, i can read the promises He has for me, but i cannot know this side of heaven the answer to the question “why me? why not them?” and i hate that.

habakkuk 3:17-19

though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.

i pray for faith as strong as habakkuk’s and i pray that as i continue to receive that which i do not understand, i would trust and thank God for the manna.