today i feel a bit torn. understand, i am beyond thankful to be here. i had the awesome opportunity to teach a science lesson in spanish today and have our students solve a fake crime using the chromatography skills they learned (heck yes i taught chromatography in spanish) and had so much fun laughing with the other volunteers as we planned for the rest of the week and speaking in british accents and going in guatemalan-style dollar stores and loving every minute of this crazy beautiful life i am so blessed to lead, but under it all, i feel pulled.

i leave this place in 9 days. and today is almost over. almost 8 days. that’s only a little more than a week. and we leave solola on tuesday for antigua to be able to get to the airport on time on wednesday. so i really only have 8 (almost 7) days here in this town that has quickly become home. i’m not ready to leave yet.

in 12 days (almost 11), a very very dear friend comes to visit me at home for a few days of fun. i’ll be introducing her to long island, to my dog, and catching up on so very much time apart. i can’t wait, but i can’t be there yet. but part of my mind and my heart is there, in anticipation and excitement.

in 28 days (almost 27) i leave for summer camp for the rest of the summer. every time i think about it, i get so excited and start thinking of fun game ideas, skit ideas, and just daydreaming about cabins and campers and such wonderful friends that i get to finally see again after so very long apart. part of me is always there, i think, but as it approaches that part gets to aching and longing and imagining. i want to be there so soon, but i still want to be here.

i miss my family and my friends and being able to shower at night, but if i dwell on that now, i’ll miss what an amazing life i have here for me. part of me never wants to leave, and part of me wants to leave tomorrow to get back to what i miss. today, the two forces are battling. i don’t know which i want to win, because neither is possible. i’m working to live in the now, and i think i’ll go work on that some more now. hopefully you will too, and we’ll be together again before either of us know it.

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