holy moly, it’s 2011 already. i can’t believe it. i’m scheduled to become a real person sometime in 2012. that is only 1 year away, and that is very frightening.

i’ve been asked by multiple friends and family members if i have any new year’s resolutions for this year. suggestions have included everything from working on my mothering skills to becoming perfect like my brother to giving up meat (wait…). i don’t really like resolutions, mostly because i stick hard to them for a week, make up excuses for a month, and have forgotten them by valentines day. so instead, i’ve set one (albeit lofty) goal for myself this year. and i’m getting kind of a late start, as i finally decided on this just today.

i want 2011 to be a year that is defined by love. i want to choose love over selfishness, pride, and fear in every situation that comes my way. it’s impossible, it’s insane, it’s worth working towards.

1 john 4:18- there is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear, for fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love.

i went to a nature preserve not too long ago by myself to sit and think, and i ended up meditating on that verse. it just sort of popped into my head. and i started thinking about how sometimes situations didn’t feel like i was choosing fear over love, but they almost always were. i’ve talked about this before. fear manifests itself in jealousy (fear of being liked less than…), in pride (fear of being seen as less than perfect), in selfishness (fear of not getting what you want), even in clingy-ness and loneliness (fear of others forgetting you). and in situations where those feelings arise, love is always the other choice.

so this year, i’m setting a goal. a goal of choosing love. whether it be in washing the dishes when it’s not my dish or loving someone who doesn’t seem to want to love me back, i want to learn how to live love.

i think it might change everything.

 

as a post-script and in celebration of love, today is my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary. how inspiring! happy anniversary mom and dad. i’ve never met two people more in love. i love you!

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