it’s been a while… sorry. it’s still lent 🙂 i’ve just been busy.

i don’t like being busy. at least, not in the way i have been lately- it makes me irritable and stressed and no fun to be around. it also makes me have to choose between cool things that i could be doing, like going to concerts and babysitting and sorority functions.

but most of all, being busy makes me depend on me instead of God, which is ridiculous. first of all, because i need God when i’m busy, when i’m not, and everything in between. second, because when i’m busy, i can’t do everything on my own, no matter how much i want to. i can’t be in three places at once, no matter how much i believe in myself and want to.

i hate being told i can’t do something. maybe it’s my inner feminist or maybe just my inner rock climber, but “can’t” almost always becomes a challenge for me. there are plenty of things i don’t WANT to do, but few that i’ll allow myself the failure of being unable to do. and regardless of why that is, it definitely takes power away from God and gives it all to me.

i’m learning to recognize that there are some things that only God can do. even some things that i always thought were under my control- like my actions or my feelings. sometimes only God can change my heart, try as I might. and sometimes, only God can allow me the freedom of admitting that i can’t do something and realizing that i need him.

that’s what i’m learning this week. what about you?