So, I’m officially an “undecided”. In a school that prides itself on not allowing it’s students (within the college i’m in) to officially declare a major until their sophomore year, it’s amazing how much of a minority i am. and how much that makes me think about what i should do with my life. which probably isn’t a bad thing, after all. in fact, one guy at the bcm spent about half an hour one night talking through all of my interests, classes i am currently taking, classes i took in high school, ap credits, extracurriculars, subjects i’m good at, subjects i’m not good at… etc… in order to help me decide on a major/career path/whatever. we were unsuccessful, but he keeps checking in to make sure i’m thinking about it. so these are my musings. online, in public. because if i muse this way, i get feedback, which is sometimes helpful 🙂
the church i’ve been going to (which is wonderful, ps) is doing a sermon series on the 10 commandments. a few weeks ago we did the first commandment, and it really struck me that in the past, my school work has sometimes been an idol for me. i mean, it’s something i’m pretty good at, but it’s something that i also spend a LOT of time on, and it’s something that i’m not really willing to fail at. and the fact that i’m not willing to fail at it is what bothered me most, because that’s my pride, and that’s me worshipping my own ability to do well in school, when really i can’t do well in school on my own- it’s a gift that God has given me and without him i wouldn’t be able to use it at all.
so i was thinking about that, and i was thinking about what i wanted to do with my life. and i decided that what i do with my school work for the next 4 years at least needs to be with the ultimate goal of serving God. which doesn’t really sound revolutionary, but it sort of was. because a lot of times, you think of school work as trying to get you to the next level- you know, you have to pass this so you can take the next class so you can graduate this so you can get into that so you can get this job so you can… fill in the blank. i just decided that that’s not what i’m aiming for. my ultimate goal is going to be to doing something (we’re still working on the what) that is serving God. and then, all of my grades, each individual paper and test, are for HIM, so when i do well, it’s not just me, but i’m doing it through this gift that he has given me according to this incredible plan he has for me. really, it’s all him.
so, we still have the problem of what i’m going to do with my life. i’ve met some pretty amazing people while i’ve been here, who are planning on doing all sorts of different things with their lives. and i started to realize that i need to do something that i am passionate about, because that’s why God gave me my passions! so, i started to evaluate what i was passionate about. and i realized- i’m passionate about people. i love building relationships and getting to know people and especially being able to help my friends when they need it. unfortunately, this doesn’t really sound like a job except “wife and mother” which is NOT why i came to college, thank you. but there are other jobs that involve building relationships too! like nonprofit work domestically with homelessness in urban areas, or abroad with orphans and widows in disease- ridden areas of the world. i don’t know if i’m really called to do “missions” as most people see missions- with a missionary group overseas planting churches or running a hospital or whatever- but… i don’t know. i’m losing my train of thought and i just got a phone call.
hope this wasn’t too spastic for you 🙂